I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
