What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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