home. puking in laundry basket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
