$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
