Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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