Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
