Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
