i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
