hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
