just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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