Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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