i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
