Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
