community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
