just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
