You smell like a Billy Joel song
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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