Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I accidentally burped into my bong.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
