can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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