I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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