I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
