i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
