he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
