New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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