Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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