we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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