I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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