they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
