so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
