He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
