I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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