haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
