well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
