she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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