Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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