The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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