I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
