apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
