she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
