I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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