i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
