i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't judge me 👊🼠his dick just whispers my name
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
