He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
