OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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