4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
