I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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