toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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