New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
