He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
