I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
