dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
