I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
