I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
