she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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