Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
