I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
