your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
