Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
