I think i peed on brittanys purse
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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