so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
