I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
