....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
