saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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