Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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