I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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