I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
