Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
