Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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