i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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