is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
