Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
