why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And then he peed in my hair
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