Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
