I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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