Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
