what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
