is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I AM VODKA MAN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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