it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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